Time to myself

I often feel guilty for needing time alone. Some people get it. Some don't. I feel like my son sucks all of the energy out of me some times. Thankfully my husband finally does.

I actually feel weirdest around homeschool moms who seem to be soooo in love with their kids that they want to be with their kids all the time. Please don't get me wrong. I absolutely adore my son and really enjoy a lot of the time that we spend together, but some times... Some times the constant jumping and running and sound effects and sword play and slinky swooshing and nerf gun firing and ....you get the idea.

Some times I just need some quiet, some time by my self. I feel like it is a time to charge up my batteries again. Now is that time. Dear husband and dear son have gone to a friend's pool. They tried to talk me into going with them. I really didn't want to go, which is really out of the norm for me, cause I could stay in the water and by the pool from June to Sept, if I didn't have to work, sleep, or pee. Ok I could actually do the last two at the pool two. haha juusstt kiddding.

So here I sit in my nearly quiet house. All I can hear is the a/c and a box fan. I have a list of things I could/should be doing, but the one at the top of the list is a N - A - P. So I think I will see you later.

If I'm learning, then he will learn

I have really had a hard time getting off the computer for months. I'll admit that it is my sad attempt to escape. Escape what? Well, fear of failure, dealing with an incredibly intense child that doesn't listen well, etc, etc. Anyway, I am trying to break free from this. So this is where I find myself this fine, well, hellishly hot, Wednesday evening.


“This week we want to…" to be totally honest, I haven't thought about it. I would like to start thinking about the week before it starts, just to have some kind of plan.

“The kid is…” at this moment, trying to talk his father into going to the beginning of a worship cd that dh just turned on. It really warms my heart to see his desire to worship. Oh and the light saber just came back out. LOL When I came home from work, the two of them were running around the house, each with a light saber and a nerf gun, engaged in warfare with unseen enemies,laughing all the while.

“I am learning….” Well yesterday I bought a hammock, that I've wanted for quite some time. After watching several youtube videos about how to hang one and calling one very irritating associate at Academy Sports, we went to Lowe's to get the hardware and rope to hang it. Then I watched the video again, several times. I now get that repetition thing. After cutting the rope too short...TWICE, I finally got it right. I still don't understand how to calculate the correct length. I do however, after trial and error, know how to make a couple of different kinds of knots. It was very rewarding to press on, even through a lot of frustration, and accomplish this really cool task. I feel very proud of myself. I also tried to explain to The Boy that even though I was frustrated (I yelled a couple of times when I realized I cut the rope too short), I continued until I had it done. Don't really know if he got it or not.

"I am struggling with…” a lot of self esteem issues. My weight is really getting to me, but I feel completely helpless to change it. I'm looking forward to being at the pool frequently this summer and planning on doing some laps. I don't know if that's going to help much, but it is something. Because of where we live, it is near impossible to walk, run or ride a bike(that I don't even have). I know it sounds like I'm making excuses, but it really feels like there's no answer. I have also started thinking about some vitamins again, but I don't know if we can afford them.
There is another thing...money. I knew when I quit my job that this would cause some financial hardship, but it really has been hard lately. I wish we could go on a vacation, put Joseph back in gymnastics, etc. but those things just out of reach right now.

“This week is the first time….” we got to go to our friend's pool! even though I feel like a beached whale in a swim suit, I love having some sun. I must be part iguana, needing vitamin D from the sun. LOL